Time is running out.
I don’t want to be little again. But at the same time I do. I want to be me like I was then, and me as I am now, and me like I’ll be in the future. I want to be crazy as the moon, wild as the wind and still as the earth. I want to be every single thing it’s possible to be. I’m living but I haven’t started living yet. Sometimes I simply disappear from myself. Sometimes it’s like I’m not here in the world at all and I simply don’t exist. Sometimes I can hardly think. My head just drifts and the visions that come seem so vivid.
Yesterday I sat back and observed and reflected and then plummeted. In the end I ran away. I plugged in headphones and let go.
Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again. What will I do when the ghosts come back to haunt me?
Life is pretty hectic here at the moment. Project submission dates draw increasingly nearer. CLAT beckons invitingly (or not- it is a bit difficult to decide objectively at the moment).
I miss my Kate Thompson books. In fact I miss my books, period. Does everyone go through this period of uncertainty in their lives? Sometimes we think we should be able to know everything. But we can't. We have to allow ourselves to see what there is to see, and we have to imagine.
My imagination is what got me into this mess in the first place though.
"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."-[The Great Gatsby]
Sleep weighs down heavily on my eyelids.
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