Random Squiggles

I feel disoriented. My head spins whenever I get up. It's funny how life can take weird turns somehow. There I was envisaging a life of fairytales and now all I'm left with is over-powering nostalgia. I don't mean this to be one of those scary, emo posts which make you want to puke but today left me contemplating. Have you ever thought about the vastness of the universe and how insignificant we are? I feel so lonely sometimes.


It is beautiful outside today. I feel like taking a walk. I feel like flying unrestrained. I feel like leaving my body for some time and just letting the sheer exhilaration of weightlessness flow through me. Sigh. If only my imagination was wired to hell. Not that I believe in an afterlife anyway. Just that wouldn’t it be amazing if you had the power to call up the might and majesty of Hades whenever you needed? There goes my train of thought again.


I think this place is driving me mad and keeping me too busy to think about losing my mind. I am gradually losing threads of my consciousness to the vast outside. I feel claustrophobic here. Which is funny because earlier I was an agoraphobic…can a person change so easily? I want to run away. I want to own a book shop. I want to write something that will make a difference to others. I want to explore the universe. I know there is life out there somewhere. Maybe a better life than I have here.



I have made mistakes in my life. Yet I don’t feel any shame and I definitely will not apologize. Its funny how being different can single you out. I always thought I was a rebel. Yet this place has taught me that maybe conforming isn’t so bad. It lets you out of uncomfortable situations anyway. But I am not going to lose myself in this crowd of sheep. Yes, I know I am making no sense but well…that’s normal for me.


I can’t get a certain book out of my head these days -The Fire-Eaters by David Almond. Have you read it? It changed my life that book. Yet what was in it that touched me so deeply?


I try to remember to have my medicines everyday. And everyday I forget. Is that normal? Maybe the medicines are actually poisoned apples. But then, who would want to poison me? I am neither the fairest in the world nor am I a princess. That kind of sucks but then not being a princess lets me be so many other things. I think royalty is over-rated anyway. Not that I would mind living in a palace but who would want that kind of life?


I think about breaking my ties with everyone and just quietly disappearing. Maybe I should just build a time-machine. How difficult can it be? Yet, the unknown is scary. Here I have three people who care. Who scold, cajole and comfort me. They are nice. I hope they are happy in their lives. They deserve so much more than what they are getting right now. Then there is that other person. He confuses me nowadays. It’s like I am his anchor and that scares me. I am too inclined to fly away to be anyone’s anchor. Yet for him, I have settled down a lot. I have tried to stop smoking. It’s not helping my already shitty life here. Yet we constantly fight. I hurt him and he hurts me back. Then I have a double dose of pain to deal with. I hope things work out between us.


I am going to give everyone I talk about here a code name. It’s more fun that way.


I have to submit a project the day after. I need proper attendance. If the troll or the wicked witch find out then they will eat me up for breakfast. I know they will find out. I don’t want to go home. Anyway enough of the whining. Maybe ignorance is really bliss but right now it just qualifies as my best friend. I lost my train of thought again. Ok, I should shut up and go do my project now. Before that I just want to say hello to you and welcome you to my world. And now- Bye. I think being abrupt is easier than being a hypocritical asshole.